Using a previous scholarship essay contest we hosted, where our judges received more than 4,000 essays, we noticed some frequent mistakes students make that can instantly disqualify you from an essay contest.
We thought to ourselves, "Hello, learning opportunity!
Here, an example of what NOT to do in an essay – and some tips on making yourself a better candidate for scholarship cash.
Here’s one of the essays we received for a previous scholarship contest, to help you learn the do’s and don’ts of essay writing:
“To be able to hold onto your money you have to know how to manage it. Money management is a complicated process. As teenagers we often have no idea how to manage money and we end up wasting a lot of it. But in a bad economy most of us have had a crash course in what happens when you don’t manage your money properly. We have had to delve into a world foreign and unfamiliar to us and solve our own money problems. The most successful of us have managed to still have some semblance of a social life without going over our small budgets. The keys to doing this successfully are actually quite simple.
Set up your own budget of expenses. Teenagers may not have to worry about paying a mortgage or rent but we do have to be able to pay for gas, insurance for our vehicles, and the never ending list of project expenses and supplies for classes. So you have to sit down and balance what you spend in a month with what you actually make, and whether that’s the money you get for your birthday that you manage to stretch with help from mom’s pocketbook or it’s the minimum wage that you get from the local fast food joint where you have managed to find employment the money comes from somewhere and it needs to be written down.
Review your expenses daily. This includes balancing your checkbook and reviewing your online statements, as well as calculating any emergency expenses that you were not considering. This needs to be fluid as sometimes things come up that you just couldn’t have forseen.
You have to get creative. You are not always going to have the time to sit there with a calculator crunching numbers so create small ways to keep thing balanced without having to. Send yourself easy phone reminders about a few of your expenses. Always bring your school id with you because a lot of places will give students discounted rates. And finally, just remember where your money is going it will help.”
So, what was wrong and what was right?
One thing the essay writer did correctly was to stay within the word count for the contest.
The essay contest stated within the rules that essays should range from 250-350 words and this essay comes in at 349 words. Good job!
Another positive is that the writer stayed on topic and answered the question that was presented.
However, even though the writer did stay on topic, the response took a meandering approach and didn’t take a strong or memorable stance. In short, the “meat” of the essay wasn’t there. Think of it this way: sum up in one sentence what you want the reviewer to know and remember after reading your essay. Did you get that across in a clear and concise way?
Each essay should get across at least one breakout idea (aka, the thesis statement) and the rest of the essay should focus on selling that point. If it’s a new, creative or off-beat idea, focus on selling and explaining that. If it’s a common idea, focus on trying to say it better than anyone else.
Here are a few more examples of what the essay writer did wrong:
Misspellings are the fastest way to ensure an essay is disqualified. When combing through a stack of essays, a judge will first rule out the essays with simple misspellings. Long story short: run a spell check and have someone else you trust look over it. It’s always best to get a second set of eyes.
Incomplete sentences – Remember, each sentence should have a subject (someone or something) and a verb (action). Wondering if your sentence is complete? Here’s a hint: A complete sentence tells a complete thought.
No capitalization –
it’s bad enough not to capitalize words at the beginning of a sentence, but at the beginning of a paragraph it stands out even more! Yikes!
Missing punctuation –
In this example, the writer does not have proper command over the use of commas — namely they are missing in places they should have been added and added places they are not required.
Poor grammar and sentences that don’t make sense –
The essay writer uses poor word choices, improper grammar and mistakes such as having too many spaces between words. Another example of poor grammar is the confusion of grammatical persons — in the beginning of the essay the writer uses the first person plural (we) and toward the end, the writer uses the second person (you).
Run-on sentences –
In this essay, one sentence has 72 words. As a rule, try to keep sentences no longer than 35 words each.
Keep these tips in mind the next time you write an essay. Remember, you don’t want to give the judges any reason to disqualify your essay right off the bat.
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About Netcare Bursaries
Netcare offers bursaries to gifted young people who have a desire to care for the ill and those people who cannot help themselves. If you enjoy working with people, helping care for the sick and making a difference in the lives of others, then you may be in the right field if considering a career in medicine.With these Netcare bursaries they aim to raise an atmosphere of learning and further study.
Netcare offers a variety of medical services, from general doctors to pharmacy, emergency, and netcare bursaries for nurses. They believe that leaders in today’s technologically advanced businesses must have the competencies, skills and knowledge to be proficient in all they do and offer. Thus, they seek adaptability, flexibility, skills and individuals who can think ahead, providing a balance to the delicate scale within the medical field.
Netcare offers a variety of study fields to applicants. They focus on assisting those with great promise but no means to develop it. They seek motivated candidates who wants not only to make a difference within their communities but who wants to be the difference!
With the bursary program, Netcare offers individuals the chance to specialize within a field they love. They foster intellectual and emotional growth with confidence and see the potential that lies within each applicant. There is a great need for skilled medical professionals and with this program, Netcare is able to assist in providing experts within these fields.
The focus on equal opportunities for all. Delivering sustainable development and stabilizing the economy of South Africa by equipping the youth with knowledge. If you would like to study within this industry, Netcare may have a bursary for you.
Netcare Bursaries Available in 2018-2019
Candidates looking to apply for a bursary provided by Netcare may do so in a couple of fields. These fields, however, are only within commerce and pharmacy. With these candidates can work in a range of careers and at a variety of institutes or businesses.
Fields to consider, include the following and many more:
- General Nursing
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Netcare Bursary Requirements
Candidates wanting to study into one of the fields provided by Netcare must adhere to all stipulation of the company.
Criteria for candidates to meet are as follow:
- Applicants must be South African citizens
- Applicants must possess a valid ID document
- Applicants must hold a valid Matric certificate
- Applicants must have exceptional academic records
- Applicants must be able to provide proof of their need for financial aid
- Applicants must have an approval letter from a University or Institute of Higher Learning
Preference will be given to applicants from a previously disadvantaged background.
Netcare Bursaries Application
Netcare bursaries application online is not accessible, yet, interested candidates may send an enquiring e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org or contact one of their five Netcare campuses for further information.
Kwa-Zulu Natal Netcare Campus – 031 581 8200
Gauteng North-East Netcare Campus – 012 644 4900
Gauteng South-West Netcare Campus – 011 628 7600
Eastern Cape Netcare Campus – 041 363 2138
Western Cape Netcare Campus – 021 949 5270
For more information on the education and learning opportunities provided by Netcare, candidates can visit their Website.
Netcare Bursaries Closing Date
Bursaries applications may be submitted throughout the year, as this company does not have a stipulated closing date. Applicants are reminded to ensure this is the field of study they would like to follow and that the application form is completed in full, signed and all required documentation is attached before submitting.
Bursaries with this company are made available on a yearly base. Selected candidates will be motivated, talented and compassionate people with a great desire to care for others. If this is who you are and you are in need of financial aid to complete further studies, you may have an excellent opportunity by applying to one of Netcare’s bursaries.
Filed Under: BursariesTagged With: Community Pharmacy, Drug Abuse Counseling, Emergency Care, finance, General Nursing, Hospital Pharmacy, Managed Health Care, management, marketing, Medicine Control, Nursing Care, pharmacy, Primary Health Care, Public Health, Research By sabursaries4 Comments