1. For the first exercise, we ask students to make a list of how they want to spend their time at college. What matters to you? This might be going to class, studying, spending time with close friends, perhaps volunteering in the off-campus community or reading books not on any course’s required reading list. Then students make a list of how they actually spent their time, on average, each day over the past week and match the two lists.
Finally, we pose the question: How well do your commitments actually match your goals?
A few students find a strong overlap between the lists. The majority don’t. They are stunned and dismayed to discover they are spending much of their precious time on activities they don’t value highly. The challenge is how to align your time commitments to reflect your personal convictions.
2. Deciding on a major can be amazingly difficult. One student in our group was having a hard time choosing between government and science. How was she spending her spare time? She described being active in the Institute of Politics, running the Model U.N. and writing regularly for The Political Review. The discussion leader noted that she hadn’t mentioned the word “lab” in her summary. “Labs?” replied the student, looking incredulous. “Why would I mention labs when talking about my spare time?” Half an hour after the session, the group leader got an email thanking him for posing the question.
3. I call this the Broad vs. Deep Exercise. If you could become extraordinarily good at one thing versus being pretty good at many things, which approach would you choose? We invite students to think about how to organize their college life to follow their chosen path in a purposeful way.
4. In the Core Values Exercise, students are presented with a sheet of paper with about 25 words on it. The words include “dignity,” “love,” “fame,” “family,” “excellence,” “wealth” and “wisdom.” They are told to circle the five words that best describe their core values. Now, we ask, how might you deal with a situation where your core values come into conflict with one another? Students find this question particularly difficult. One student brought up his own personal dilemma: He wants to be a surgeon, and he also wants to have a large family. So his core values included the words “useful” and “family.” He said he worries a lot whether he could be a successful surgeon while also being a devoted father. Students couldn’t stop talking about this example, as many saw themselves facing a similar challenge.
5. This exercise presents the parable of a happy fisherman living a simple life on a small island. The fellow goes fishing for a few hours every day. He catches a few fish, sells them to his friends, and enjoys spending the rest of the day with his wife and children, and napping. He couldn’t imagine changing a thing in his relaxed and easy life.
Let’s tweak the parable: A recent M.B.A. visits this island and quickly sees how this fisherman could become rich. He could catch more fish, start up a business, market the fish, open a cannery, maybe even issue an I.P.O. Ultimately he would become truly successful. He could donate some of his fish to hungry children worldwide and might even save lives.
“And then what?” asks the fisherman.
“Then you could spend lots of time with your family,” replies the visitor. “Yet you would have made a difference in the world. You would have used your talents, and fed some poor children, instead of just lying around all day.”
We ask students to apply this parable to their own lives. Is it more important to you to have little, be less traditionally successful, yet be relaxed and happy and spend time with family? Or is it more important to you to work hard, perhaps start a business, maybe even make the world a better place along the way?
Typically, this simple parable leads to substantial disagreement. These discussions encourage first-year undergraduates to think about what really matters to them, and what each of us feels we might owe, or not owe, to the broader community — ideas that our students can capitalize on throughout their time at college.
At the end of our sessions, I say to my group: “Tell me one thing you have changed your mind about this year,” and many responses reflect a remarkable level of introspection. Three years later, when we check in with participants, nearly all report that the discussions had been valuable, a step toward turning college into the transformational experience it is meant to be.Continue reading the main story
- I want to be a good citizen of the world. Most essential to this are compassion and kindness.
- I want to be a loving person. I show this through commitment and thoughtfulness and expect it in return.
- I want to be thought of as, and surrounded by, smart. I most respect the clever and the creative.
- I do not like feeling stagnant. Progress and change are my friends. Let’s keep it moving and let’s do it in style.
Most often, my need for progress runs into conflict with thoughtfulness and compassion. Not everyone moves at the same speed as I do, and my natural sensibility is to go quickly towards changing what I see as a bad situation. That’s not always the most compassionate thing.
Others may need to sit with something awhile. The situation might not be changeable. Change doesn’t always mean better. It’s not always my responsibility to Fix-It Felix.
My heart knows this. My head doesn’t get the memo every time.
And it’s actual conflict for me. Maybe my heart doesn’t know it. My chest swells with emotion for things I cannot change but for which my head has come up with solutions. I want things to be right. Or different. Or just in motion.
Keep on movin’. Don’t stop. Like the hands of time.
I know stuck exists, but I don’t believe in it.
I hope that more often than not I let my heart lead with compassion and thoughtfulness—weird that I don’t place thought in my head, right?—and that my personal needs don’t get in the way of being a better citizen, friend, partner, fam.
My regrets in life have come from the times I wasn’t kind, thoughtful, and selfless. I imagine that will still be true whenever I’m taking my last breaths. When I’m there, I hope you will just sit with me in that space for a moment instead of worrying about what we can change to make it better.
I’d value that.